Self Portrait

Short and Plump is how I look. I can be very loud but like the quiet. I love books, but dislike reading. I put pineapple in my salad. I can't spell to save my life. Grammar...whats that? My boyfriend loves the English language and at the moment that is his major... I've loved only one with true love and I continue to love him each day. Green in my favorite color. Blue and purple are in the tie for second. I love being at college but hate going to class. I love learning but hate homework. I like having my own room but I hate to sleep alone. I dream of traveling all over the world. To step barefoot in every state is a wish I have. I desire to ride in a Hot air balloon but fear being up high. I love movies like some love books. I don't have a fashion since but wish I did. Sometimes I'm scared to give my opinion on things. I fear what people think more than I should. I suffer from panic attacks. They are brought on by large crowds, when I'm around people that make me nervous, when I am not on schedule. I love lists! I love having a schedule. I wish to be more spontaneous but sometimes the not knowing what will happen later or the repercussions of the things we do, cause worry. I worry way too much. My biggest fear is so silly...Its how people think of me. I fear that people talk bad about me. Sometimes I see it in their faces. I have a hard time with keeping friends. I can make friends but...keeping them is hard. I can only focus on 4 relationship with true passion and love. For me those relationships are 1) my Father 2) Jash -Best Friend/boyfriend/future husband) 3) Hannah- Roommate/best Friend 4) Heather- Best Friend. I have a hard time giving myself to other friends because these relationships require so much of me as it is. I love people but I have a limit. I love music but a tune I do not carry. shoes are fun and pretty but bare feet is my favorite. I love to talk but never have much of importance to say. I dream of having a big family but I fear of never having children. I fear disapproval and acceptance. I try my hardest to impress. I love birthdays!! I tend to write too much because I don't ever say any of this. I want to change who I am. But i fail. I am the most selfish person I know. I love jewelery but never wear it. I love to write poetry and stories but I never do and when I do I never share it. ok...thats enough. :)