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Feb 23, 2012

I'm Back!!

Wow!! Its been a few months since I've written. Life has just been crazy. There is so much tel tell and I will get to all of it. My last few posts were a little scattered and spaced apart. Things are getting better in life and i'm working on getting back to a better place. I lost my way a little. I apologize for my rants and silliness. I was having a hard time in life. I was hitting a jealous point and became so focused on getting married and on myself and I even began to stop in my daily devotions and walks with God. Jash and I have been through a lot in the past couple of months. We are still together and stronger than ever. There are a few new things in life and upcoming events. ( no we aren't engaged) haha I have a lot t bring up to date. I'm gonna give your a run down of past events. Jash never got the Waffle house job, nothing ever happened and things just dwindled down. As of the 21st of this month we've been together for 17 months!! Next month will be a year and a half! I'm so excited. Each day we grow closer. Last time I posted we had just returned from a wedding and had an amazing talk. We talked about marriage. We've talked before but this was the first time we really just talked. He told me about how he was planning on proposing and he couldn't wait to be at our wedding. We began to discuss what requirements we needed before we could be. We talked about him having a good job to support us, a good working car and money in the bank and having a place to live. We've talked about having these things checked off before being engaged. Neither of us want to start our marriage off struggling and worrying and relying on others. So we have been praying and God has been providing and guiding us. For about a year we have been praying about Jash joining the military. We were really set on Air Force for a while. God shut that door and we were feeling that the Army might be what we should have been looking at. He went into talk to a recruiter on a Monday and ended us taking a pre-test and scoring a 65. They had him back in the following Tuesday and two weeks later he swore into the United States Army! Yup!! It went quick. We asked God that if the Air Fore to make it happen or to shut the door, but if Army was God's plan to make it happen quickly. Haha guess we found the answer. :) We both felt overwhelming peace and reassurance and didn't once second guess anything. Jash swore in, in January and now its the end of February. He is finishing out this semester and he ships off to Basic Training June 6th. I've decided to spend the summer teaching VBS for one last summer. That way while he is away I'm kepts busy too. He graduates in August and then goes to AIT school. He went in Enlisted so once he graduates in November he will be given his orders and heads to Post. While this all sounds fast, quick and scary we feel this is what God has planned. I'm a bit scared yes. Its a lot to take in. Sometimes... it doesn't feel real. The reason I say that is because for Jash, he has experienced it all. He went to the recruiter, tested, went to Meps, went to Montgomery to swear in, and just in all he has seen it happen. For me... it feels like a dream. Nothing in life has changed. I haven't seen anything. He took pictures of a document for me but... I haven't even met the recruiter, I guess... I personally haven't even seen another soldier and it doesn't seem real. Its a bit hard. I'm really excited and I know this is what God has planned, but its hard. I have this date on my board... June 6th. Thats his date that means it all begins. For me... when we leave school at the end of this semester, thats when I have to say goodbye until I see him at his graduation. I'm scared of the shock. Because I haven't seen anything now when I see him in August he will have his uniform on and his head shaved and he will be different, drastically. I think he is more prepared for it than I am. School ends in May and I'm not sure how its gonna work but most likely when his parents come to pick him up that will be the last time i see him. I won't get the goodbye I'm going to need. It will be hard...i don't know what I'm going to need. Its just..difficult to prepare for it all. I've never had a long distance relationship before. Over the summer we were apart but could talk and we saw each other here and there and had skype. But...this summer its gonna be extremely limited. When school starts back up i'll be coming back to a place we met, and fell in love...alone. Its just scary. Plus when he goes to AIT school he will be in Virginia... I'll be in Florida..... I'm scared of being forgotten and forgetting. For feelings so lonely I retreat to my room and drifting apart. I'm scared of becoming a stranger to him and vice versa. We have talked about getting married and while we aren't engaged we are unofficially.  We have set a date. February 16 2013. I'm excited and while we are together this semester we have talked and done lots of planning. I really need this cause when time comes, i'll be planning alone. Having his input now and having memories of sitting and talking, arguing, and discussing details help me. I want the same experience every girls dreams of. And so While we are together I want to do these things. We've talked about being able to even apart...but its different. I don't know what he is going to be like then and who i'm going to be... the fear of being strangers to each other is a great fear. After May, the next time i see him on a regular basis will be our wedding day and then after our married life. I'm scared of marrying a stranger. We've talked about planning visits back and forth and being able to talk on the phone in AIT school...but... its still hard. After school he will move to wherever his orders are. I know its dumb to worry now, but I have thoughts. I worry. I am just simply trying to guard my heart from hurt and fear. I'm trying hard not to feel like I'm being left, or left behind. I know that because he joined the Army we will be able to get engaged and married but it doesn't make the following months any easier. To top it all off I've strayed from my quiet time and daily walks with Christ. So, i've been spiritually weak. I"m trying hard now to get back to a place of joy and peace and full reliance on Christ. This post was a little long and I have more to say, but i"m going to save that for the next post. :) If anyone is actually reading this I would appreciate your prayers and encouragement. Off to study and what not.