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Dec 29, 2010

Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced

"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."

"If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."

"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift."

"I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine."

"Dear me, how I love a library."

"Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots."

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

Simply Say..

I just want to simply say...To my someone...who is miles away and in another time zone...

I Love You!

Dec 26, 2010

The Little Things

(I love to make this is the first of many to come)

The Little Things I LOVE!!!

1) Being BAREFOOT!!!!!!!!
The sweet joy of feeling the cold, warm, wet, dry, squishy, smooth ground ... sends happy chills through my body.

2) As soon as I am in the shoes come off.
Sunday... I usually just leave my shoes in the car. haha

Whats more fun than going with someone and smelling candles??? (honestly)

4) Being by water..
Like sitting on a dock or being at the beach.

I love the sand. The water.. the smell.. the relaxation of it all. Looking for seashells... Oh its great.

6) A comfy sweater!
Its like wearing a blanket. Duh.

7) SOCKS!!!
I love holiday socks..and just fun socks all together.. but i only wear them in the house when i'm cold...

8) I FREAKING LOVE HOT CHOCOLATE!!!!! Marshmallows!!! OH MY!!!!!

9) I love those dumb videos on Youtube that go around facebook. Like the Hide Yo Kids.. Bahaha..
(confession...i'm listening to that now)

10) Going out of my way to step and leaves.
OK COME ON!!!!! You know when you see that know..the one that is just crying to be stepped on to bring forth that beautiful CRUNCH sound

11) Oh what is greater that having that pair of pajama pants!!!
Just imagine.. your best Pajama pants, with your favorite sweater while wearing cozy fuzzy socks and drinking Hot does that get better!!!

I just found away to make the previous one (11) better....

12)Favorite Pajama bottoms + Favorite Hoodie (seater)+ Cozy, fuzzy socks + Hot Chocolate + being in the arms of the one you love = THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!!

13) Singing at the top of my lungs in the car.
Especially to like Nsync or backstreet boys...or something dumb like that.

14) Dancing along to songs in the car.
This is one of the ways I fell in love with my boyfriend Jash. Well this and with #13. Singing in his truck and dancing to whatever song on the radio... =TONS OF LAUGHS!!!!

(enough said on that)

16) Taking time away from everyone and just writing and singing and reading my bible. Having some great Chill time!
(that is how this list came to be)

17) Looking at greeting cards.
OK COME ON!!! I could spend HOURS looking at cards. Who needs a reason. I love those Hoops and Yoyo cards...they crack me up!! Go into Walmart and Target and just read the cards. Getting a birthday card is my favorite!!! Cause i like to get something TOTALLY random! If its a guy's 18th birthday...get him a Happy 1st Birthday Elmo card!

18)Coloring Books! And a new box of Crayons.
(oh the smell of Crayons.... HECK YEAH!!! )

19)The smell of an old book!
I have a Little Womens book thats like a first edition..oh its smells... Magical!!!

Oh its soo great. Sit in the food court with a friend or two. Pick some people out..stalk them.. pretend to say what you think they are saying. OH haha I love that. you see two guys sitting there oddly...pretend they are an undercover gay couple...hahaha....

Going With The Flow?

My favorite part of this song are these lyrics ...
"Why do we go with the flow
Why take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the gray"

The Unorganized Filing Cabinet...

I probably should have posted this part first... haha. What is the purpose of my blog. Well...this is my second blog. I attempted to write one this summer about my mission trip..but was so busy that sleep and getting prepared each day became way more important that writing. Something I haven't really shared with anyone outside of my family is that I love to write. Ever since I was little I wrote about everything. My mom and I wrote books together and I made pictures for our stories. When I was in high school the only way I could get my feelings out or express what I was thinking was through writing. I wrote notes to my friends and when I was upset I wrote of hours. I found an escape in forming words with letters, sentences with words, and thoughts from them all. some point a teacher told me that my writing was just not very good and sometimes just too much rambling. So I stopped. I kept it all inside, eventually writing for my own and then throwing away everything so no one would read it. I'm in college now and there is just so much to take in. I've learned how to speak my mind more fluently with my mouth. However sometimes the thoughts of heart and mind both get lost cause I just don't feel there are ears that want to hear. Most of my thoughts have just been lost. I've come to a point...that my head is so crammed. Its like an over Stuffed Filing Cabinet. There are sticky notes covering the outside and gum trying to hold the screws in place.

Currently i'm dating an English major.His name is Jash. I'll probably mention him here and there...I think I have already quoted him somewhere. Well... he LOVES to write, and what he writes is so beautiful. The way with words he possess is defiantly a gift. He also has a best friend who like him, is gifted with the beauty of poetry and the dance of words. Her poems are so beautiful and touching. She doesn't know I read her blog but I just admire her way of saying things. Sometimes its exactly what i'm feeling but couldn't find the words... They both have blogs in which they post such fantastic art; from poetry, to stories. The two of them are in a category I will never be in. But here is the thing... I don't want to.......

I just...want to organize my unorganizable mind. I don't have a problem knowing my writings have no rhyme or rhythm. I laugh if by chance they do. Without saying anything my boyfriend has without his own knowledge, has encouraged me. To write again. To start but taking all this noise, all these sticky notes, these feelings crammed and stored and suppressed and hidden from the just simply write. This blog has been such a great help. I won't ever have a theme to it just like in my life. I make decisions and in 10 mins change them all over again. If anyone ever reads this... they will see when I am in one of those frumps. For the background theme will always change. But when it comes to what i post..i will never delete anything because it was once a thought I had. To tell someone their thoughts were wrong itself is wrong. At some point we all things things..but need to see work them out. I can't guarantee everything here will be sweet natured and biblical. I will post my thoughts and feelings on subjects...and when my heart is going through some rough times... i will post my honesty. So there it is. The purpose of this blog. If i didn't state it clearly enough...its because there just isn't an exact purpose. Does there need to be one to write. If so...this will be mine.. These are simply The Thoughts Of Yesterday, Written Today, Read Tomorrow... A journal of heart and mind.

Dec 25, 2010

Random Achievement

I would just like to say...that today i achieved something that will never impact my life, or bring joy to another person's life. No sickness is cured, no paper is written. (which i have lots of homework to do) Nothing spectacular was done or finished. This... small and simple goal put a great BIG smile on my face. :) Are you ready for this??

I beat the computer at Scrabble!

Yup! I even scored over 200 points! Which is a HUGE feat for me. I just started playing a few weeks ago at a friends house. That is the announcement of my great Achievement.


He Prayed For Me....

This passage really touched my heart. This is right before the soldiers come to capture Jesus. He is alone and is praying to God. He prays to be glorified. Then He prays for His disciples. Finally Jesus Prays for All Believers. In a recent homework assignment, my book told me to do the following with this passage. It brought tears to my eyes.

Write you name in the blanks. Then read out loud.

“I pray for _________________. I am not praying for the world, but for _______________ you have given me, for ____________ is yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through __________ . . . . I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that ______________ may have the full measure of my joy within him/her. I have given ___________ your word and the world has hated _______________, for ___________ is not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take ______________ out of the world but that you protect ________________from the evil one. _____________ is not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify _____________ by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent ______________ into the world, for________ I sanctify myself, that _______________ too may be truly sanctified …. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and ______________ knows that you have sent me. I have made you known to _____________, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in ___________ and that I myself may be in _______________. "John 17:9,13-19,25,26, NIV)

My Favorite Day! Christmas!!

Today is my FAVORITE day of the year!!! This is the Birthday Day of Jesus Christ! Because of this day, I was given second breath. Second life. Life in Christ. Life as a Christian. I was and still continue to be a sinner. (sin- the things we do, say, or think that displeases God) "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23 Because I believe that today we celebrate the birth of Jesus. A man of flesh and of God was born."When we were in our sin Christ Jesus came to die for us." Romans 5:8 This same man eventually gave His life on a cross for me."For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16 He died in order for my sins to be forgiven, because of this day I am saved! I am unworthy of such a great gift. I'm a liar, a thief, a murder at heart. My heart has been consumed by hatred and anger for years. But when the Lord took over I gave my life to him. In return God gave me a second life. Eternal Life. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 Jesus lived a life without sin. When He died he took on all the sin of the world then and now, and still to come. When this happened God turned His back on Jesus. 2Corinthians 5:21 says, "He who knew no sin became sin for us, that we may be made the righteousness of God through Him." Knowing all of this I gave my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. To be the servant of the utmost High God. Romans 10:9-10 says this:"that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."
This is my favorite day. My God, Yahweh, The Great I Am. His love is for all those who turn to him. Romans 10:13 "for Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Dec 24, 2010

Missing You!

Something is missing
Missing from my life
something has left
left my side

Someone is missing
Missing from my life
Someone has left
Left my side

Something is missing
Missing from my Heart
Something has stolen
Stolen my heart

Someone is missing
Missing from my heart
Someone has stolen
Stolen my heart

Something is too far away
Away from me
Something has been away too long
Long awaiting for you

Someone is too far away
Away from me
Someone has been away too long
Long awaiting for you

Something so beautiful
Beautiful you are
Something so wonderful
Wonderful you are

Something so amazing
Amazing you are
Something I love
Love you I do!

Dec 21, 2010

Wings Of Truth

My friend Nathan wrote this. He is unable to walk because of his illness also killing him... our friend Ryan put it to just..changed my heart so much i needed to share this.

Wings Of Truth

Whens my time to fly from here
When can I run from all my fears
Lord I don’t think I can hold much longer
But I know you will make me stronger
Lord I know your always near
Youre right there to wipe away my tears

So let me live for you
Let my life lead to You
Hide me in your wings of truth
Let everything about me bow to you

Lord let these praises bring you glory
Let my heart tell Your story
Let the rocks cry out To praise your name
Hallelujah to the Father

Lord I know Im in your thoughts and plans
So I thank you for the comfort I find in your hands
Please help me do the best I can
To show the world, that you really care

This song really....hits me hard. I think about leaving home and going to college and going out on my own for missions. its a scary thing doing this on my own. I keep thinking how its hard and how i'm alone but i remember..i'm not. God is here with me. I'm never alone. I've asked him to be my personal Lord and savior and He is forever in my heart. I feared going away from home and being out on my own and could i do it. Fears of financial problems and just...i let everything be a fear. But i had to let it go. Put it aside and just listen to Him, Jump and he will catch me and carry me. He will make me stronger reminds me of my favorite passage: "I can do all thing through HIM who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13, also knowing he is always near...when i call upon his name he is near and i know that. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13 also " For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." Mathew 18:20
Living for is that not what we are called to do??? like seriously whats the point of being a Christian? If you go by the name Christian then you go by Christ. Don't proclaim that name unless you live up to it. The first 6 letters spell CHRIST!! Do you not see that! wow. to live as Christ, well we were made in God's image "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" Gen. 1:27. We were not made as God and are sinful. But we to strive to be like His Son. and not just in good deeds but with heart. If what your doing isn't for the right reason and for HIM and HIS kingdom then why are you doing it? If i'm living for God my life should reflect that. not just through my church attendance and what i'm all involved with.. thats not the point. My life should be to lead others to Christ. being at The Baptist College of Florida i feel i'm in His presence, or how Nate explained it "Under his Wing." BCF holds truth. when Christ walked the earth people stood to hear him speak. People went to temple everyday to hear about God and to praise Him. But now...we seek worldly desires and false idols and false religions. There is one right way. sorry to break it to you but your wrong. there is a heavenly father who created you out of love and watches out for you and desires to love you and be loved. He offers eternal life in Heaven but its your choice not to accept. But at BCF it reminds me of old days. we all gather to study HIS word and HIS law.Truth is all around us.
"let my heart tell your story" WOW yet heart should be for HIM, why am i not in love with him as he is in love with me??? We talk about those who we love the most..if i love HIM why am i not talking about Him with people?? Can you say Convicting!!! the last for lines...need i say anything. That exactly what my heart has been saying. This song..has really hit me hard. I wish you could hear it with the music. Its even more beautiful. But i think the words themselves do enough to just tell me that i've been slacking which i know and can feel. this really has hit my heart and broke me down. i hope you like it.


To everyone the word LOVE has different meanings. But to me... What does love mean? Well lets look at what the bible says love is.
1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

LOVE From My Eyes:
Is being with someone no matter if its where you want to be or doing what you want to do. Love is when the other person is happy and that makes you happy. Love is having butterflies when you phone goes off cause it could be that person. Love is having your heart race just when he brushes his hand over mine. Love is when time stands still. Love is being lost. Love is uncertain. Love is a roller coaster. Love is crazy. Love can hurt but it can also heal. Love is looking into his eyes and feeling all the world falling away. Love is when he holds me, when his arms keep me safe and they tell me that he prefers to be here than anywhere else. Love is when a smile can make you forget what you where worried about. Love can make you blind. Love to me is something that makes me strive to be something better. Realizing your nothing, but this someone your loving, is everything and you would give everything to this person. love is self sacrificing. Love has been jealous but does not get lost. Love can out last war. Love is timeless. Love is a never ending dance, its slow but picks up, it spins and it dips. Its romantic and its playful. Love is worth a risk. Sometimes love doesn't make since. Love can make you do stupid things. But no regrets! Love is the most amazing emotion and action and feeling and everything. If your not willing to risk something for love...then whats the point. My God gave his son to die for me. There was a risk that i would deny him. That i would turn from him... but i didn't. I cling to His great love for me. Jesus was our example of the greatest Love. The best way i know how to apply that is to love with my whole heart. I may wear my heart on my sleeve some days... but is that better than not ever risking it. Feeling love... is such and amazing feeling. Love is surprises. Love is doing something without being asked. Love is encouraging someone else. Doing things in a unique way. Showing love differently. Love is a gift. love is a smile. love is a laugh. love is going out of your way. love is thinking about what the other person might want and then doing it. love is outside of the box. love is seeing something that everyone else doesn't see special about the other person. Love the good things, as much as the bad. love is random acts. love is silliness. love is just sitting in silence. Love is just being together. love is handmade gifts.
Love is beautiful.
Being in love you can try to be careful. Love doesn't have a timeline, love doesn't have an age limit to start or end at. Love will come to you and find you when Love wants to. Love will take you to great places if you allow it. Love doesn't ask for you to have money, and love doesn't ask for you to be ready. Love will come and it will hold you. You will be bound by love. Love is the strongest glue. Love can help in times of heartache. Love of a friend, family, or someone special. Love doesn't make rules. Love asks you to say yes. We are to guard our hearts yes indeed, but to build a fortress .... that is not love. Even though love can been foolish i choose to love with my heart. love is forever.

Thats love to me.


I watched words break someone today. Words broke her spirit...Brought tears to her eyes. Words destroyed someone today. The words part..they came from someone she loves.... From that..came my thoughts on words...

Words. Words are one of the most powerful things we have freedom over. Words can build an army and encourage a people or a country. Words can also bring down everything around someone. A simple joke in the expense of another. A thought said out loud that should have stayed quiet. With words people can encourage one another with positive comments and love. However there is something about the way we use words that can bring a person so far down. The way words are said can bring several emotions to someone if said in a negative way such as rejection, humiliation, hate, sorrow, anger, distrust, fear, sadness, being unwanted, sometimes even depression. When words aren't meant to hurt they can bring happiness, joy, fulfillment, encouragement, excitement, hope, faith, peace, and even love. Words are very powerful. Here is a quote from my someone I dearly love.

"Words are powerful things. Words cans start a movement, or a revolution. Words can break a heart, or mend it. Words are the breath of our heart, and if you let them grow stale, they will bring the sickness bitterness. The sword may pierce the flesh, but the pen pierces the heart." Jash Comstock

Words are so beautiful in their own. They way they can be woven into sentences can bring magic into the world. Poets have a way of doing such a thing. Putting words together that bring forth such imagination from the minds of readers. Stitching together stories with just one word at a time. Over time these words fit together like a quilt. Something beautiful is shown or told. Words can flow like rivers, or can move like the wind. Words are so beautiful. When someone allows the words to speak to him, he can bring forth such stories that make the mind run wild. Words can be used to describe feeling that are so hard to explain. Using words to tell someone how much they mean to you and to tell them how much you love the. Words can be used to fix someone's heart who is broken. At the same time words are just as powerful to build up someone...they can break someone just as easily. When choosing words look at them, see what power they may hold. Words are more powerful than we think.

Words how they are wonderful.

Dec 17, 2010

An emotion or an Action?

There has been a debate on what love is. Is love an emotion, is love an act. This is debate struck something in me and i just really wanted to write about it. The argument was first that Love was either an emotion or an act. However Love is a Person. Love is Jesus Christ. Jash made this comment "Love is an emotion in the form of an action." I agree completely with him on that statement. Here is what I feel.
Love... It was the greatest Action ever taken. But it was caused from the greatest emotion ever had. Really...Love is a person. Jash has is correct. love is mentioned in scripture several times.Lets look in the old testament When God says to Abraham, "take your son Isaac, whom you love...." This is God's request that Abraham sacrifice his son. Abraham followed God's command because Abraham's love for God was greater than any love for anyone else. Abraham followed the command of God and right as he went to kill his son, God sent and Angel to stop him. So From Abraham's love for God he was willing to give up his one and only son. His great love. Love for this person caused emotions, which led up to action. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."... is that not Speaking of Jesus Christ? He is love in the greatest form. He was created out of love for us, he lived out of love for us, and died out of love for us.....

I don't believe actions make emotions. Really... i feel an action is the result of an emotion. When it comes to the action of Love that we are discussing I feel that because of the emotion of love, we act. If i don't love you or care for you then i'm not going to go out of my way to do anything for you really. My emotions sometimes run my actions sadly but that is because i am but human...and a woman. haha with scripture...John 3:16 which i have already referred to... that is love. Love from the beginning being emotion. "For God so Loved the world..." He has the emotion right there. He loved us. "hat he gave his one and only Son...." giving is an action. I stand to believe that emotions come before actions. Like with anger as well. But here we are talking about Love. Also with this if we go back to the Beginning of it all the Greatest action of all life was given from Love. "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Genesis 1:1 The first verse in the entire bible. God created all. He loved us so much, he created us. Its like when a couple decided to have a baby. Its because they share a love and they would like to share their love in a new form. This is LOVE. Love in a person. Love came from an emotion which lead to an action. This action was carried out by a person, and sometimes for another person. Ok so this is the end of my rant on Love.

Anyways..whether i'm wrong or not..whatever. But in all..God Loves us. If not we wouldn't be here. Take a listen to this song. It moves my heart every time.

Dancing With You

Last night was a night...i'll never forget. Like early...there was lots said. But at some point... Goodbye came. A few kisses here and a hug there. Out of the truck i went. Up the stairs i went...stumbling, fumbling with my keys. I see you in the moonlight...and ask for one more hug. That hug led into standing in the parking lot with my arms around your neck and your arms around my waist. Moving around in a circle, laughing and joking. We put our things away in your truck and return to the sound of gravel shifting under our feet. Our song starts to play. The humming of the air conditioner, the shifting of gravel, two hearts beating, the wind softly blowing, little noises all around.... The way you make me feel, the way you make me laugh. No one has ever brought these sounds of pure joy into my life. I never know for sure if your feeling the same but I pray you do. You silly voices and your goofy laugh. OH the things I love about YOU! We make our way to the dock. Neither of us are tired and its one in the morning. We stand on the wooden dock which I love so much. Your arms are around me and We hear our song yet again. You start to dance. You know i have two left feet and yet you are willing to let me trip you here and there. Joking and laughing and teasing each other. The most wonderful moment of all time. No one around, no one to see Juliet with her Romeo. Stealing a moment together, in the stillness and darkness of night. Oh how i will remember that moment for the rest of my life. My dear Romeo how i Love you. Your smile in the light of the moon just heals my heart. Your laugh makes me forget what i was so worried about. Your eyes... the way you look at me, the way you trace my face, you see me. Your arms. OH HOW I LOVE YOUR ARMS!!! So strong and so perfect. how they wrap around me just right. How when i pull away they don't break. You keep your grip, letting me know your there. You want me. Words sometimes are painful and break promises and vows and hearts. But physical words, physical motions. Showing what you want to say... means so much more. No sounds needs to be heard. For the heart hears it all. From one heart to another mine says I love you. Last night Dancing With You, was a dream come true.

The Angel

Oh how last night was a night to remember. It was up and down and up again. It flipped my heart in so many ways. Tears of sadness, tears or hurt, tears of joy, tears of love, tears of laughter. Sitting and talking on the couch I let my heart pour out. Sitting and listening in the heart ....beat slowly. Listening and trying to understand. Being faced with moments of uncertainty. Knowing what I feel, and how I feel and knowing the peace that I have been given...but hearing so much doubt... so hard to just sit and listen. Hearing once again of an Angel. A beautiful angel so far away. One with eyes that seem to see right through you. A smile that captivates your attention from miles away. There is A connection, a line, a rope that should never be broken. For she, An angel who laughs and jokes and brings your joy. An angle of literature, of wit, and poetry. An Angel who saved you. This Angel of everything Amazing. With ears that hear your secrets, your dreams, and hurt. These ears hold onto stories of your past and present and future. All these things i describe are not just things she has such as her eyes, her smile, her ears, and the unspoken...her heart. see... these are all the things about you as well. Your reaction to her. You, a person who will not plan for the future plan for you to always have your Angel. I however... you would like to have. Its not for certain though. Which slightly hurts. But I understand that with such little time how could you. Maybe one day.... Maybe one day i'll be like an Angel. Maybe you'll speak of me like your Angel. Maybe you'll care as much for me as for your Angel. I may never be an Angel to you, but as long as you still call me yours... and your still happy... that is all i can ask.

Honestly, I hope to meet your Angel one day. To know this amazing form of perfection in which you describe. My fear, is falling in love with your Angel as well. I fear sometimes what your Angel may think of me. This girl of many faults. You were scared to touch this Angel and messing up such perfection...but with me.... I just fear this Angel you love so much... Will be the Angel of your everything. To know your Angel..scares me. What if i love your Angel too, but you Angel doesn't feel the same. The thoughts and worries that capture my sleepless nights... I try not to dwell on them and for many nights I do not.... Except when night such as these, when you speak of your Angel, more highly than I have heard you speak of anyone... I would never dream of messing up anything with you and your Angel. The strings that tie you together and stronger than anything. It would break my heart if ever you thought i would ask that. To know the pain it would cause you and to know it was because of me... would be worse than losing you all over again. For I do love you. And I pray for you. I pray for your Angel too.

Dec 15, 2010

Favorite Places-The Gazebo

The Gazebo.
The Gazebo can be found in the middle of campus life. Painted white. Wooden. This Gazebo is a beautiful spot. The way the sun hits the benches, when its raining in the day the Gazebo is there to run to. When it just so happens to be sunny and there is that random rain ....The gazebo holds you in a moment of aww. Now this Gazebo is not like any other. To be honest... Its magical. Not everyone sees what happens for feels the magic. I my self never took the time to take in just the power of this simple place. One day it happened. Sitting on the Gazebo, Something happened. A moment came and the magic started. Sitting under the dim lights at night, the gazebo began to work. Time stood still all around. A conversation between two hearts began just before six and when the world caught up with them, morning was coming and it was two of them standing to say good night but said good morning at two am. The moments continued over time. The Gazebo began to draw people in. Lovers, soon to be lovers, and tender hearts all gather here and there when called and share moments with one another. Some days you never know when the magic will happen. Sitting and reading, studying and singing, sometimes the mood you leave with is lighter than before. Sitting on the benches, there are times i'd would have rather not left. Sitting with someone who my heart began to beat for. Butterflies exploded and hands began to shake. Days of sitting and talking... Discussing possibilities. He asked to hold my hand and I said yes. He asked to kiss me just once, and I said yes. He asked to be his girlfriend and i said yes. He sang to me silly songs, happy songs, sad songs, and love songs. All while on the gazebo. On day of such sorrow and sickness, Candy land, Cookies, hot chocolate and friends could be found, building gingerbread houses. The moment your feet step onto the gazebo something happens. Sometimes i take a breath before i take that first step on. Sometimes its hard to leave. When in moments such as these, fear of placing your feet off of the bench. When you both touch the floor you know the moment is over. When you walk down those steps time hits like big breaths and reality comes back again. The Gazebo is on of my favorite places. being with friends and laughing and singing, The gazebo has magic and its worth seeking.

Here is a picture of a recent engagement on this same Gazebo

My Favorite Places- The Dock

Sitting in an unfamiliar place, alone, hours before I usually find myself tired, I have come to the point of restlessness... Wanting to just be out, doing something or running around. There are so many things on my mind. Things to research, things to take care of, and people i need to fix things with... I'd like to be in my room cleaning and rearranging.. but I am sent to an empty room alone. Feels like solitary prison. Bare walls, crap bed, At least i have my escape. My computer. haha....I decided to leave this room of depression... where to go? Thats when I began to think of my favorite places.

The Dock
There is a dock on our lake. Nothing grand nothing fancy. A place I've found myself turning to for the past three semesters. Several nights I have been lead to hide away in this place. Hidden in darkness.Its a place for lovers to embrace for just a quick moment. A place to just sit and be alone together. On cold winter nights holding one another and whispering "I love you". Closing your eyes and knowing that nothing matters but that moment. Something about the water calms me down as well. Being able to hide on the dock and look up at night. Seeing the most beautiful sky. Its a place of safety. The place where i sit is so comforting. The way the wooden corners meet and wrap around the dock. I can lay right there. No one sees my feet. No one sees my head. I'm completely hidden from the world. This place I love deeply. A place where i have had many great devotions. Time spent with God just talking, or crying, and asking for mercy and forgiveness. This is a place I feel i could just hide and be right there, under my Father's gaze. Knowing i'm staring up into a place so beautifully created. My God made these stars, he made the galaxy and while doing so, He KNEW that I would lay out and see his creation and was for me. The Dock is a place I have sought in time of sadness. When death hit my family I hid on the arms of the dock to sob silently away from others gazes. The sounds of the water under the dock, and look out to see the stars and mood reflected in the lake, just reassured me how Great my God is. Tonight I went to the dock. With an I pod and my blanket. Sitting there bundled up and being calmed was just what i needed.

Dec 14, 2010

Jealousy Is Not Her Friend

Yet again this is not an attempt at clever words in a form of rhyming, such as a poem of any sort. No there is no rhythmic form to this collection of nouns and constants. Just a form of thoughts and feelings woven like a story. A realization being told. From a girl, starting in her mind, traveling to her heart which was carried down to her fingers as they type on the keys of a laptop. A lesson she has learned. She felt before midnight which makes it yesterday, she posted it today, and she will read it again tomorrow.

Of all the things in this world to struggle with
Not drugs or Alcohol, or addictions in all,
This is something new that has come up in her life...
A relationship she has formed... with..Jealousy...but..

Jealousy is (not) her friend.

Why does she feel threatened?
He says "I love you" and she knows he means it.
He calls her beautiful when he looks into her eyes.
He treats her like there is no one else in the world.

Yet Jealousy is (not) her friend.

The simple fact that there is another,
someone who is very beautiful inside and out,
someone who has a part of him that she will never be able to have,
someone who has his past and stands firm in his present and he looks to the future,
someone he calls best friend, instead of her.

Jealousy is (not) her friend.

Knowing that he doesn't think of her in such a way,
knowing that he only loves her as a sister,
knowing that he connects with her on things he loves; such as books and poetry.
Knowing that he calls her his best friend...

Jealousy is (not) her friend.

Reminding her self..
He loves me!
He is here, he stayed for me.
He came back to and for me.
The way he looks into my eyes and traces the shapes on my face with his eyes,
The way he holds me,
He tried to take care of me even when he broke up with me.
Stepping out of his way is a daily task he seems to do for me.
He wrote me a song.
He doesn't plan too far ahead but he says he sees me there...
He opens up to me in a different way.
He puts his arms around me, and we dance in the kitchen,
we dance in the parking lot,
we dance on the gazebo.
We have our own memories and stories to share.

Jealousy is (Not) her friend.

Goodbye you green eyed monster,
Goodbye you whisper of thoughts,
Goodbye to you who planted such hate and anger,
Goodbye to you who shared nothing but lies,
Goodbye to you who encouraged such attitude.

Look Jealousy, Your NOT My Friend!

The Purpose Of Nothing

This is not a poem, this is not a song, these are simply words being typed. A thought for a moment. It was a thought from yesterday which was written today and will be read tomorrow.

The Purpose of Nothing.......
Is there even a purpose for such a thing?
This mask in which I coward behind.
The answer to questions i'd rather not give.
The way I say I feel when you said goodbye.

Can Nothing even have feelings?
Can it break a heart when you have nothing left?
Is feeling nothing better than feeling something?
What part of having it all and losing it all did Nothing join in?
Why is Nothing apart of my life?

When did Something become Nothing?
Did the clock strike midnight,
Did the wishing star fall down?
Did the prince lose his way?
Was it all apart of a dream from far away?

When time stood still nothing could touch us,
When watching the stars nothing seemed impossible,
When you were the prince nothing seemed scary,
When did our dreams of something and everything become Nothing and never?

Where did Nothing go?
Did we stop at the station?
Did I miss the train?
All of a sudden I found myself standing..
with nothing.

A feeling of Nothing is more than just something.
Its been emptied and poured out.
Not by choice, this time.
It become a mask.
Feeling nothing so you don't feel something.
Hiding behind Nothing is nothing simple at all.

The Purpose of Nothing,
Is nothing.
No, Not, Never.
Hiding, Running, Seeing.
Masks, Covers, Walls.
Nothing is there for protection from Something.

Sometimes that something is
A someone,
A some time,
A some place,