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Dec 26, 2010

The Unorganized Filing Cabinet...

I probably should have posted this part first... haha. What is the purpose of my blog. Well...this is my second blog. I attempted to write one this summer about my mission trip..but was so busy that sleep and getting prepared each day became way more important that writing. Something I haven't really shared with anyone outside of my family is that I love to write. Ever since I was little I wrote about everything. My mom and I wrote books together and I made pictures for our stories. When I was in high school the only way I could get my feelings out or express what I was thinking was through writing. I wrote notes to my friends and when I was upset I wrote of hours. I found an escape in forming words with letters, sentences with words, and thoughts from them all. some point a teacher told me that my writing was just not very good and sometimes just too much rambling. So I stopped. I kept it all inside, eventually writing for my own and then throwing away everything so no one would read it. I'm in college now and there is just so much to take in. I've learned how to speak my mind more fluently with my mouth. However sometimes the thoughts of heart and mind both get lost cause I just don't feel there are ears that want to hear. Most of my thoughts have just been lost. I've come to a point...that my head is so crammed. Its like an over Stuffed Filing Cabinet. There are sticky notes covering the outside and gum trying to hold the screws in place.

Currently i'm dating an English major.His name is Jash. I'll probably mention him here and there...I think I have already quoted him somewhere. Well... he LOVES to write, and what he writes is so beautiful. The way with words he possess is defiantly a gift. He also has a best friend who like him, is gifted with the beauty of poetry and the dance of words. Her poems are so beautiful and touching. She doesn't know I read her blog but I just admire her way of saying things. Sometimes its exactly what i'm feeling but couldn't find the words... They both have blogs in which they post such fantastic art; from poetry, to stories. The two of them are in a category I will never be in. But here is the thing... I don't want to.......

I just...want to organize my unorganizable mind. I don't have a problem knowing my writings have no rhyme or rhythm. I laugh if by chance they do. Without saying anything my boyfriend has without his own knowledge, has encouraged me. To write again. To start but taking all this noise, all these sticky notes, these feelings crammed and stored and suppressed and hidden from the just simply write. This blog has been such a great help. I won't ever have a theme to it just like in my life. I make decisions and in 10 mins change them all over again. If anyone ever reads this... they will see when I am in one of those frumps. For the background theme will always change. But when it comes to what i post..i will never delete anything because it was once a thought I had. To tell someone their thoughts were wrong itself is wrong. At some point we all things things..but need to see work them out. I can't guarantee everything here will be sweet natured and biblical. I will post my thoughts and feelings on subjects...and when my heart is going through some rough times... i will post my honesty. So there it is. The purpose of this blog. If i didn't state it clearly enough...its because there just isn't an exact purpose. Does there need to be one to write. If so...this will be mine.. These are simply The Thoughts Of Yesterday, Written Today, Read Tomorrow... A journal of heart and mind.

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